All White Meat Chicken and the Two Jeffs
I met Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon, in 2001. I was in New York shooting a commercial for Taco Bell, and I don’t know how or why they did it, but they got the founder of Amazon to be in a commercial about quesadillas. (I can’t find it online anywhere, bummer!) It was Jeff, me and about four other actors in a conference room, talking about some kind of new quesadilla with “all white meat chicken.” This was a new phrase in 2001. It was one of my first jobs as an actor. I had the line, “It’s a chicken quesadilla with all white meat chicken.” I didn’t get it. All white meat chicken? It’s a chicken quesadilla. Isn’t that enough? What am I saying? Apparently, I was saying, “There are no ground up necks and beaks in the quesadilla.” Because if you just say, “chicken,” legally, you could be talking about ground up necks and beaks, like in a chicken sausage. Taco Bell basically wanted people to know their shit wasn’t full of necks and beaks like McNuggets (who now say they have all white meat chicken! It’s the most common phrase on television!). This was depressing to me, that chicken didn’t mean just…chicken. It came through in my performance. I was saying, “It’s a chicken quesadilla with all white meat chicken,” but it sounded like, “It’s utter corporate crap.”
Eleven takes later, people were getting anxious. The director was getting frustrated. “Liam, try ‘all white meat chicken,’ not ‘all white meat chicken’, OK? And more energy, please.” Everyone was thinking I would never say it right. Jeff Bezos didn’t give a shit. He smiled, he looked me right in the eyes on every take and nodded as if he were impressed. “All white meat chicken? Hmm. You don’t say.” People calmed down. Laughed a little. He was making it easier for me, for everyone. He just wanted to have some fun.
I met Jeff Price in 2007. He had just founded TuneCore, a site that gets independent musicians’ music onto iTunes. As record labels lost millions when CD sales dwindled and Tower Records went out of business, Jeff started thinking. Since record labels now can’t afford to take risks on non-Lady Gaga-sized acts, what do other musicians do? They have talent, they have followings. How do they sell their music?
That’s where TuneCore comes in. You can get your music into the largest store in the world, iTunes, without a record label, and you keep all the royalties. You pay a small fee up front but that’s nothing compared to what a record label would take. TuneCore is how I got my ‘Shoes’ album on iTunes and I fucking love that site so much. That’s why we made “The Showiest Show” webisodes (coming soon!) to promote TuneCore. Every artist should know about this fucking site!!
Now, “The Showiest Show” is a very strange, very unorthodox way to promote anything. But that was the point. We didn’t want it to have a real pungeant, corporate smell. We wanted it to be like Tim and Eric’s vodka videos. So while we were shooting, I was mentally preparing myself for another “all white meat chicken” moment. I thought Jeff Price would get anxious or frustrated with how we were promoting his company. “Liam, you can’t have ‘She/He Superstars’ gyrating around with one of their hands bitten off by a teddy bear.’ Please just say, ‘all white meat chicken’ with lots of energy.” But that moment never came. Jeff was totally on board. He dove right in with the zaniness and out-zanied us all. He made it easier for me, for everyone. He just wanted to have some fun.
I am posting these “Showiest Show” episodes very soon, knowing that some of you won’t give a shit about how much I love TuneCore, but hopefully, when watching them, you will still have fun. As leaders and innovators, the two Jeffs taught me that having fun, and creating an atmosphere in which others can have fun, is actually really fucking important.
The Silver Lake Jubilee
I’ve lived in the Silver Lake area of Los Angeles for 10 years, and I can’t wait for the Jubilee, despite all the traffic delays. Barry and I will be performing at El Cid Saturday afternoon. It’s a green festival, so don’t bring 80 plastic bags and an oil drum.
Another Showcase Showdown
Ten years ago, I met a talented group of actors here in Los Angeles. I was so new to the area I didn’t know what USC stood for. I thought it was the same as UCLA. (Apparently, they are so fucking different.) I chanted “USC-LA!!” at a college football game here and nearly got killed by fans from both sides. Anyway, these USC kids were doing their own version of a “Showcase”, which is when actors pay to perform in front of people who might give them a job. Except the USC kids didn’t want any actors to pay, AND they wanted the people who might give them jobs to pay to see them. Bold! Extraordinary! I joined up and started writing, performing, singing, dancing, making videos and making people laugh on stages here in L.A., and also making friends (aw).
And you know, YouTube is like a giant showcase, really. Unknown performers can show everyone what they can do. Our show, Another Showcase Showdown, or A.S.S. as we like to call it, is really the punk rock version of YouTube. It’s live, it’s messy, it’s fun, there’s drinking, there’s blackface and drag, there’s musical numbers and onstage fucking, and yes I said blackface, and people get offended but they laugh. Unlike YouTube, if they don’t like something, they don’t comment, “Shut up and die, faggot!” (although that might be interesting). And A.S.S. has actually resulted in real jobs over the years, like the “I Hate My 30′s” TV show on VH1 that ran for an entire full whole season. Our original title was “The AfterWork Special” because we thought it would interest folks who remembered the AfterSchool Specials in the 80′s and how silly they were, and connect with a lot of our generation who feel we’ve never grown up.
We still haven’t grown up…Come see us in our ten year reunion festival. It’s February 4 through 13, just pick a night. You know what? L.A. years are like dog years, so in L.A. years, we’re like the Who! (Hope they play Squeeze Box at the Superbowl!!!) Oh, and there are 17 of us, most of whom have been there since day one. Still funny after all these years.
Another Showcase Showdown, Feb 4, 5, 6 and 11, 12, 13 at the Lillian Theatre in L.A. click here for more info!
starring:
Liam Sullivan
Heather and Kelly’s Christmas
Merry Christmas!!
Susan Walker!
This video Pam and I are in is about a real genuine rocker chick. They don’t all look like Joan Jett.
I Like To Tinker
Aunt Susan Walker has a new video…we shot this in one day at my friend’s dad’s place. He was extremely nice to let us frolic around in his garage. A very fun day. If you didn’t notice, Susan isn’t really singing about cars…
Balls Beer
This idea started out as a simple parody of beer commercials. They always try to make people who drink their beer seem invincible, sexy, cool, etc. Then there was this contest to make a video supporting health care reform. I wanted to send a message to both Republicans and Democrats. All the Republicans do these days is hurl insults, and all the Democrats do is try to make Republicans happy. Neither way is going to get anything done…but having Balls will.
What Kelly Wants to Be
Kelly’s back, and this time she’s trying her hand at being a music producer…for Aunt Susan.
What the F&#$ Was That?!
This is a series my good friend Michael Cornacchia created. I helped edit it. I think it’s hilarious and I’m so happy he’s brought it to me to put out there. I think this could totally be a real TV show, to do for Ghost Hunters what Reno 911 did for Cops.